Orange Rhino

 I have discovered a support group for parents that is changing my home for the better.  I'm pretty excited about the changes, so I feel impressed to share, even though it means exposing to the world one of my weaknesses.  I hope there is someone out there that can benefit from my experience. 

These are the bracelets my daughter and I made to remind us to not yell. 

I'm talking about the Orange Rhino group that I discovered, which was started by a mom of four kids who desired to find a way to yell less. 

Here is the story I posted on the Orange Rhino blog in response to the question:  "Describe the incident or moment when you realized you wanted to change."

About a week ago, it was past bedtime.  It was going on 9:30, and we like to have all the kids in their rooms by 8:30.  The little ones were in bed, and the teenager was on the couch doing homework.  I wasn't on his case about it, because he had just come home from an evening church activity.  Yes, he should have had his homework done before going to that, but whatever (motivating the kids to do what they're supposed to when they're supposed to is the challenge of my current existence, and I deal with that only a little at a time, as much as I can).  As it was supposed to be "me" time now, I was working on a project on the computer, and I had very little tolerance for interruptions...less than I would have had if it had been prior to bedtime at least.  He started demanding my attention and my services as "mom the helper".  I helped a little, but not how he wanted.  He kept demanding, I kept refusing.  Then he got disrespectful, and I snapped.  I went from annoyed to frustrated to ANGRY, and I started yelling at the top of my voice.  Dad was upstairs, so in part I was trying to get his attention and wanting him to come intervene.  But I was yelling like a crazy person, and my son was just looking at me like I was wacko.  He started grinning, like I was entertainingly funny with how much I had lost it.  Which of course made me more angry.  I yelled as hard as I could, and it hurt my throat.  I hate that.  I knew I wasn't "winning" anything, I wasn't accomplishing anything, and I wasn't fixing anything.  I knew I was only hurting and embarrassing myself.  I knew it, but I didn't wish to change IN THAT MOMENT.  I wanted to change "tomorrow".  After we had both gone to bed, by my husband's suggestion, I reluctantly went down to tell my son that I knew I had made a mistake, I was sorry, and that I loved him.  He wasn't very receptive, didn't say anything back (just stared straight ahead as I spoke to him, not looking at me).  The next morning, neither of us felt like talking to each other.  Well, in that blow-out day's "tomorrow", I stumbled upon the Orange Rhino challenge, and I believe I was led there by divine intervention.  Or fate, or coincidence, whatever--but I was super excited and grateful for the happenstance.  I am so excited to never have to succumb to that kind of embarrassment and pointless ridiculous behavior anymore.  I will have better choices than yelling available in my brain, and I will choose them.  Can't wait.
So anyway...I found this group just by chance on facebook JUST at the PERFECT time for me.  I was so excited :). 

One thing I love about the group is the expectations are super realistic, and no one is asking me to be perfect right away, or ever.  It's just basically a support group for people who want to yell LESS. 

The leader of the group, a mother of four who started it just over a year ago, wanted to see if she could go 365 days without yelling, and she did!  She is funny and cool to me because she likes to talk now about all of the times she gets super close to yelling, but then chooses not to :).  She's very inspirational. 

She has a 30-day challenge that I joined just in the nick of time (I mean, because she closed "registration" right after I joined (free registration, of course)).  I'm one week into it, and I feel SOOOO much better!!!  I really do yell so super much less--almost not at all now.  It's like a miracle.  I haven't changed my whole house yet, but I've felt a big change in myself.

The cool thing about this 30-day challenge is it isn't just "DON'T YELL FOR 30 DAYS...GO!!!".  It's actually 10 days of PREPARING to yell less (she sends us motivational emails, and helps us recognize our triggers, and helps us find our own alternative ways to improve on how we handled certain situations...we actually track our yelling incidents and then think how we could have done it better), and then 20 days of yelling less, with support from others on the blog and from the group.  We are encouraged to share our successes and our struggles on the blog--which is private to this challenge group.  It has been so cool to read other people's stories, and everyone on the group is just TRYING, not being perfect.  So, anyone would fit right in :)!!

If you would like to give it a shot, I would be happy to start my own little private group with you--I mean, I could send on to you the emails that she is sending me.  I could even share the password to the blog if you'd like to see what others have shared (I'm sure she wouldn't mind, as long as you don't tell her that I let you sneak in ;)...). 

But if you aren't interested in joining a 30-day challenge, no problem :)!  You could still just go to the facebook page "Orange Rhino" and like their page, and see the cool motivational stuff she puts on there every day.  I would recommend it! 

It's been the happiest change to happen to me since I went to counseling :). 

Let me know what you think, okay?