"Ew, Dad, don't be gross. I mean, Neal is kind of cute on the outside, but he's such a nerd. I would rather marry someone funny, like Pete," I answered.
Mom chimed in even more insightfully, "I think you'll find someone that is as handsome as Neal, and as funny as Pete, and he'll be the right one."
I was just relieved that I would be in charge of that choice, and not my parents. Because...Neal? I could never be into someone like him.
---
Neal had been around for ages. He was just a few months older than me, was a member of the church, and he happened to be a best friend to my older brother Bryan, so he even came over to my house once in a while. I loved
Neal was one of those "brains" that excelled in everything he studied, and seemed able to master any new skill in about 5 minutes. He somehow gradually and mysteriously managed to lose his nerdiness and became a wonderful friend to have around. He was athletic and certainly competitive enough to give me some good games on the racquetball courts where I worked (I was playing a lot those days), which was a great way for us to nurture our casual friendship. He was always at the top of our class in grades, so I was fortunate to have him present in my study groups for Calculus and Chemistry. Sometimes I even relied on him to merely begin to understand some of the lessons (math was always a strong subject for me, but ironically, Chemistry and I were not made for each other).
During our choir trip to California (you know, the one during which my break up with Cody was in the works), Neal and I discovered together that our voices were a perfect fit for the Phantom of the Opera duets. He had purchased a musical score after the performance we had seen in San Diego, and we sang along together the whole way home on the bus--I was Christine, and he was either Raoul or the Phantom. Perhaps it was during our collaboration on those love duets that our first seeds of interest were planted.
Love seeds planted, lots of time spent together, friendship nurtured through recreation, common interests and studies...attraction building...it's plain to see where this was heading...
Journal Entry, 19 May 1991:
I'm beginning to like Neal Preston. He's so awesome--he plays the piano wonderfully, he has an awesome voice, and he's very strong in the church. Mom says I should go for him instead of Scott--I'm considering it--but there's just something about Scott--I don't know what it is.
30 May:
Neal and I finally got to perform our duet, "All I Ask of You" from Phantom, twice, at the elementary school performances today. We did really well. I could've done better though! I want Neal to like me back!!!
12 June:
I don't know what to do--I like Neal so much! ...Re-read that sentence 100 times.
14 June:
[Scott was home for the summer with just a few weeks remaining before leaving on his mission.] Ellie's party tonight was a blast--and I've figured it out--I'm in love with both Neal and Scott.
16 June:
I talked to Neal on the phone tonight for about half an hour or 45 minutes : ). I was up in the clouds. During our youth activity at church tonight I kept writing his name. I like him tons.
I filled my summer days with three priorities: work (I still worked at the fitness center and had added a second job at Burger King), church (I even attended church twice some Sundays so that I could see more of my friends--attending two different congregations, my family's ward and Neal's ward, of course), and all sorts of social activities with no obligations other than to have a good time. This resulted in a lot more quality time with Neal.
23 June:
Church was kind of boring today. Maybe it's because I couldn't keep my mind off of Neal.
5 July:
...the only one for me is Neal. I want to marry him.
So there it stood. I was in deep. Did Neal reciprocate my feelings? Well, that was the tricky part. Why did I fall so hard and so fast for Neal? Simple: for him it was a game, and he was the king of this game. Have you ever heard of the game called "Hard to Get"? He invented it.
Was it ever Neal's intention to reel me in? That's debatable, but once I had decided to join him in the game, I was trapped. The problem for me was that I couldn't play this game with my own rules, I was expected to play by his rules, and that was very difficult for me. This wasn't like the Sneaking Peeks game, where the rules were universal and familiar to everyone...this was Neal's game, and it seemed impossible for me to figure out.
I'm not saying there was anything intentionally manipulative about the way Neal handled my feelings. All I'm saying is that he was the master of keeping the ball in his own court. Some of my most vivid memories during my falling years included the days that Neal let me get close to him, and how during those moments, I felt happy.
I'll never forget the best day at the lake in the history of lake days. A large group of friends, including Neal and myself, planned the afternoon and evening well. We swam for awhile, and then relaxed on blankets on the beach. Neal let me run my fingers through his hair, and said he loved it (was I living in a romantic movie?!). We roasted hot dogs over a camp fire, and to complete the adventure on this perfect day, someone had brought a generator, a television set, and a VCR, that we were able to hook up for our viewing pleasure of an entertaining old comedy, "The Pink Panther Returns." About ten of us cozied up inside a van, and enjoyed the film until long after the sun went down.
I had started out on the floor, but Neal's intuitive cousin Shane (I'll have to tell you about him later) traded places with me so that I could snuggle up to Neal. I had my head on his shoulder and held his arm securely, and he rested one hand on my leg. Words can't describe the depth of my feelings of fortune that night--the night when I finally felt allowed to be close to him.
If only that memorable experience at the lake had led to more common bonds right away, but no...this wasn't the time for that. Not on Neal's timetable, anyway. There would be more close days to come, but sadly, they were interwoven with more games.
to be continued...
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