The Falling Part: Sneaking Peeks

Disclaimer:  Although I'm trying to keep my true stories as true as my memory permits, I have chosen to use pseudonyms for most of my heroes.  I would hate to embarrass someone by not only revealing an obscure relationship of their past (which they may or may not have known existed), but also by telling the details strictly according to my own memory, which surely would differ from their own version of the story.  So with that disclaimer, we proceed into the next era of my love life: the one where my road to romance had travelers on both sides of the street, moving at least for a short time, in sync.

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One of the most enjoyable games in Cupid's game closet is played at the very beginning of a crush.  I will call it the "Sneaking Peeks" game.  This game can be played at any age, at any stage in life.  I remember first playing it at the age of twelve.  I got to play this game in church one Sunday, when I was relatively new to the state of Nevada. 

I am a Navy brat.  Our family moved around the country quite a bit when I was young.  The most unforgettable transfer came during my sixth-grade year, when we moved from Southern California to Nevada.  The timing of this move came at an age when leaving friends behind meant devastating heartbreak. The pains of transition did soften with time, eventually allowing me to become optimistic about what adventures lay ahead.

 I was the new girl at Minnie P. Blair Middle School.  We had moved part-way into the school year, and that did come with some discomfort.  I'll never forget entering the classroom of the meanest science teacher in the whole world, Mrs. Brant.  Rather than give me an assigned seat next to a soon-to-be new best friend (as we always see in the movies), she told me to "perch" on her stool in the front of the entire class, until she figured out what to do with me.  As she lectured and conducted the class according to routine, and as more and more sixth-grade eyes bore into me, I eventually would slip off of my post in hopes that my new seat would be granted momentarily.  Not so.  "Perch!" she repeated her command, as if trying to train her new pet.  How humiliating.

Fortunately I was soon able to settle in to each of my classes and make new friends.  Mrs. Brant to this day retains the label of "meanest teacher that I ever had, ever" (need I mention she gave out more Ds and Fs than any other teacher in the school and all the parents hated her?),  nevertheless, I warmed up quickly to most all of the other Nevadans that I met.  So it goes without saying that it didn't take me long to find my way comfortably back into my search for the cutest boys in school.

The pages of my journal started filling up with hearts; hearts with arrows through them, hearts filled with names of boys...and hearts containing phrases such as "... is a massive BABE" and special codes such as "TLA" ("true love always") and the like.

Up to this point,  I was still dealing with one-sided fixations.  Until the memorable day at church, when Cupid's Sneaking Peeks game found two new players:  myself, and Sam.

To win the Sneaking Peeks game, all you have to do is play it with another willing party.  Both players automatically win just by entering the competition!  To play, both people take turns sneaking peeks at one another, trying to avoid the other's glance.  The longer you can glance at the other player without getting caught, the more points you get.  The more points you get, the more excited you feel.  When the accidental simultaneous glance occurs, you both lose all of your points, but the good news is, you get to re-start the game as many times as you like, as long as you are in the same room together.  It's very thrilling, and very satisfying, as the mutual attraction builds and crush-emotions are validated.

Sam may not have been as obviously beautiful as Ricky Schroder, but his beauty was in the eye of this beholder.  Like the rest of his family, Sam had blond hair and blue eyes, and due to his farm-type daily chores, his broad shoulders and budding biceps added to his outward appeal. 

As I mentioned, the Sneaking Peeks game took place at church, which meant once again that a common faith played an important role in my feelings for Sam.  What's funny about my associations with Sam, is that in contrast with my crush on David the Mormon--where I knew David at school but not at church--I knew Sam at church but not at school.  Sam and I were the same age, and we were in the same grade, but Sam was home-schooled along with all of his siblings, so we only got to see each other at church meetings and activities, and in their home.

I was privileged to become best friends with Sam's younger sister, Rani, a happy and beautiful soul that has remained my friend even today.  I remember one time being in their kitchen with Rani when Sam came home with his dad and brother from somewhere.  The crush-feelings were alive and well.  Someone made a request for help, to which Sam responded "Not I, said the duck," in a deep pretend voice reminiscent of a character from the children's fable The Little Red Hen, and I began to laugh hysterically.  That incredible sense of humor!  (Isn't it marvelous how having romantic feelings towards someone, somehow makes everything they say seem brilliant?)

Despite the written proof that my feelings with Sam were mutual (it says so, right there in my journal:  "May 26, 1986: ...better yet, he likes me as much as I like him!"), Sam and I did not create many "togetherness" memories.  After all, we were only 12, and my formal dating experiences were not to begin for four more years, according to the standards set by my parents. Nevertheless, the arrow-pierced hearts on pages of my journal are filled with our names as companions for a span of about five months.

Things began to change with one major event: Sam began attending public school at the beginning of seventh grade.  It's understandable that his adjusting to the new social atmosphere included some personality changes for him.  I wasn't surprised to see his immediate popularity, given his good looks and his alluring charisma, but I was surprised at how quickly his associations with me took a turn for the worse.

Little by little, he decided he didn't wish to play any more of Cupid's games with me.  I remember being on a church youth campout once, and Sam was there.  There was also a new girl there; one of my friends had invited a visiting cousin to join us.  I became fast friends with this new girl, and wouldn't you know it, I decided to open my big mouth and disclose whom I thought was the most desirable catch among the young men of our group.  So who decided to pair up affectionately for the remainder of the overnight (yet certainly sufficiently supervised) adventure?  Sam and the new girl.  The traitors.  Hmmm...  It seemed that my first mutual crush was ceasing to be mutual. 

Just as clearly as I remember playing the Sneaking Peeks game with him at the beginning of the Sam chapter of my life, I remember distinctly the moment I lost hope during the Sam chapter.  The tragedy struck right in the hallway of our middle school.

The hallway was mostly void of students.  I was walking in one direction, and he in the other, towards me.  He had one beautiful girl under one arm (who happened to be his cousin), and another beautiful girl under his other arm (one of his cousin's best girlfriends), and as we passed each other, he taunted me by exclaiming, "I like you!"  The three of them laughed loudly and mockingly the rest of the way down the hall.

I was crushed.  But more importantly, the time was ripe, and I was ready to move on.

Journal Entry, September 22, 1986:
I've had it with Sam.  Now that he is going to school again, all of his popularity has gone to his head.  It's too bad a guy with that kind of face can be such a jerk.  I need someone to love.  But there just isn't anyone my age.  Ben Martinson is pretty good but there's just no spark.

The nice thing is, this story has a somewhat happy ending.  Sam did not stay in public school long enough to perpetuate my cast-aside misery.  He actually returned to his home-study program after a few short months, where he was able to regain his original untainted respectable personality.  My feelings for him resurfaced from time to time, but we were actually able to remain good friends from then on, as the perceived romantic ties were a thing of the past.

Ah, Sam.  It was fun while it lasted.