The Falling Part: "I'm Not Allowed to Yet" (part 1)

Mom reminds me of a funny misconception I once had about dating.  For some reason, I had thought dating meant getting dressed up for the special occasion with your special someone, such as going out to dinner.  Mom was refusing a certain activity that I was requesting, because it was "like a date."  I scoffed and offered my rebuttal, "It's not a date if you're wearing jeans, Mom."  She managed to keep a straight face when she accepted my reasoning, and filed it away to bring up in the future for a good laugh.  (I didn't get to go out that time, jeans or no jeans.)
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In the beloved family film Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, there's a scene where Mike Teavee tells reporters about the awesome guns that he plans to wield as soon as his parents will let him.  His dad leans over during the interview and interjects, "Not until you're twelve, son."  This quote has become a favorite family joke for us.

There were quite a few "grown up" privileges I had to wait for just like Mike.  Mom and Dad cared enough to not always give me what I wanted when I wanted it.

The first privileges I remember having to wait for were "girly girl" things.  I wanted to wear makeup just like my friends at school, wear nylons, shave my legs, and wear super high heels, but Mom and Dad stuck to their guns..."Not until you're twelve," they would say.  Maybe those weren't their exact words, but twelve was certainly a magic number for those privileges.

The biggest and most anticipated magic number for me however, was sixteen.  I knew from the time I was small that this was the age when I would be allowed to begin dating.  What I didn't know was how my parents would choose to define dating.  Over time I learned that age sixteen not only qualified me for dating, but I also had to clear that birthday before I could do anything like a date.

One of the biggest not-allowed-to-because-it's-like-a-date rules that I always protested was getting to ride anywhere alone in a car with my current favorite guy.  

The guy I remember wanting to ride home with the most was actually Sam's older brother, Thad.  Looking back, I can't decide if it's surprising or just natural that I ended up having feelings for both of Rani's older brothers, considering how close Rani and I were. In any case, Thad and I had quite a bit of fun together.  My favorite connection with him was sharing our interest in country music.  We even had a song!  We both loved Randy Travis, and Thad used to sing to me along with Mr. Travis on his cassette, "I'm gonna love you, forever and ever!  Forever and ever, amen."  How sweet is that?

Journal Entry, March 26, 1989:
     Thad and I are both counting down to my 16th birthday.  He wants me to hurry up so he can date me he says.  I wish I could be 16 right now [insert small drawing of a heart with an arrow through it].  1 year and 2 months to go--I wonder, will he still feel the same about me when I get there??  I sure hope so.

The wait until my birthday proved to be a bit too long for Thad and me, but that's okay...there were many other happy relationships to be formed meanwhile.

Of course not all social time with boys was prohibited. At the age of fourteen I was excited to be able to attend church youth conferences and attend dances, and I also enjoyed several band and choir group excursions all throughout high school. This was a great time to practice boy-girl relationship skills. 

Riley was one such teenage boy whom I got to know through these church and school events.  My pre-dating time with Riley was a very happy time.  I loved his naturally curly brown hair, and thought his very lean but strong cross-country-running body was cute.  I loved it when he let me borrow his sweater for the day when we were enjoying a boat ride over Lake Tahoe during a youth conference.  He loved it when I could pop in and say "hi" to him at work at our local drug store, Sprouse Reitz.

Best of all, I treasure the memory of us that was made one evening in a church gym, as we sitting across from each other at a table on the side of a dance floor.  The lights were low, and the dance music was loud, but not so much that one couldn't hear our cheery and hopeful conversations and see our smiling eyes which glittered with evidence of our feelings of mutual adoration. During one brief pause in our conversation, Riley reached across the round table to take a carnation out of the vase to give to me... and in the process he accidentally tipped over the vase, spilling water all over both of our laps and the floor.  OOPS!  As he returned from the bathroom with a large wad of paper towels and swabbed the floor below our chairs, I felt the pain of his embarrassment...but love that I can still remember that sweet gesture.

I never reached dating age before Riley left for college, so we enjoyed exchanging letters while he was there and later during his mission, and in the end remained friends as we followed our separate paths.

to be continued...