When you know you're very likely going to have a power struggle in an upcoming situation, plan ahead with the child. Before the situation arises (especially just prior to it--such as right before you have to take the child grocery shopping with you, or just before time to do chores, before sitting down for Family Home Evening, etc.),
1-be clear about what behavior is expected, and
2-be clear about what consequences will occur when those expectations are not met, and
3-be clear about the reward for good behavior.
4-(this is the most helpful!) MAKE DRAWINGS on little post-it notes as you are going over what you're discussing! Then stick them somewhere where the child can see them during that situation. The visual aids make all the difference in the world.Today I decided it was time to use this method with Shark, as we approached time for him to practice the piano. Sometimes he can get really frustrated and say things like "there's nothing left for me to practice and I still have 20 minutes left" (which is of course completely not true)... "can't we please cut my time short today?" So I was planfull with him, and we covered what needs to be done during his practice time.
There's one more thing you need to know. Being planfull does NOT eliminate misbehavior. Kids will be kids, and they have to test us constantly. BUT, the goal is to avoid the power struggle (where both parent and child are angry together).
NO, Shark has not been an angel because of our planfull-ness, but at least ONE major goal was achieved: MOM was much less stressed with his misbehavior. Because, I knew HE knew what was going to happen--and he was making informed decisions with his behavior. Simple warnings do the job now, consequences are JUST, and no yelling is involved. And Mom is not pulling her hair out. WOOHOO!!!
Just wanted to share.
7 comments:
Sounds like a good idea. I like the post it note idea.
Good Idea. I haven't heard that "name" before, but I have used that theory and it does work. Keep up the good work!
I really love they way you are always finding ways to make your family work together better. Just having a plan makes a lot of difference. Good job.
I used to do that, minus the visual aids. I'm so thankful for the reminder! It's funny how easily I forget the skills I've used in the past when things get crazy! :)
I will have to try that.
Thanks for the "reminder." I definitely need to be more planful. As an education major, we learned this technique as a way to teach the kids about classroom expectations...and especially for young children, making it visual. I forget that I should also be doing these things with my own kids!
Jenna,
That is a really great strategy! Thank you so much for sharing. I'm definitely going to give it a try.
Also, every time I come to your blog I think how pretty and pink and cheerful it is here.
Love you!
E
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