Thursday, July 19, 2012

The Falling Part: Chicago's Broken Heart

There certainly are a lot of "firsts" worth mentioning during the falling years.  First love note, first crush, first mutual crush, first date, first kiss, first marriage proposal... Who knew that my first broken heart would fit in that lineup even before my first date or my first kiss?

There was one incident before I was old enough to date, when I planned to go to the movies with one of my best girl friends from my ballet class, Brooke.  With an increased amount of makeup and hair and outfit-fuss going on, and surely some seemingly undue anxiety that was written across my forehead, Mom perceptibly asked, "Are you meeting boys at the movie, Jenny?"  I flew off of the handle and yelled and cried, "How could you accuse me of such a crime?!  Don't you trust me?  Why would you ask me such a thing?!" (Yet in my mind I was thinking, What gave it away?  How in the world did she know?  Maybe I should call Brooke back and tell her this was a bad idea...)

This was not that time.  This story starts at the movie theater as well, again with Brooke, but this time we were innocent. Two of our guy friends happened to be going, but I'm pretty sure that was just a coincidence.   Besides, my youngest brother Ellis went along with us, so there was no secret funny business going on.  Perhaps sending the little brother was Mom's way of spying, to find out if any funny business was threatening to come to pass.  Could be.  It was a smart safety precaution anyway, I would say.

Scott and Braden were our friends at the movie this day, though we didn't know each other too well yet.  We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves as we watched Back to the Future II in the theater--what a great show!  We couldn't wait to see Part III.  Scott came up with a brilliant plan:  he asked me if I'd be his date when Part III came out, and he'd even treat me to dinner that night, since I would finally be sixteen by then. 

Including our Back to the Future movie date--I mean coincidental meeting, Scott and I got to know each other through a series of fortunate events.  He was a senior and I a sophomore.  He was a member of the church, a super nice guy, happy, athletic and outgoing, and what I loved most about him was his happy and beautiful smile.  It lit me up inside. We had lots of common friends, and we both were very fond of taking advantage of all of the church and school dance opportunities as possible.

Our second special time together happened out of town.  It seems that although Mom and Dad didn't permit me to ride alone in a car with a guy even for five minutes to catch a ride home from somewhere (remember, no "like-a-dates" allowed until I was sixteen), they managed to overlook what one might call "like-a-double-date" car rides.  Brooke and I rode with Scott and Braden all the way from Fallon to Reno together--almost an hour ride, heading to a church dance.  When we got there, we discovered the dance had been cancelled.  We were disappointed, but made the best of our time out that evening before heading home.  What better way to get to know each other and allow a friendship to transform into adoration than over Burger King grub?

Brooke and I, meanwhile, were about to hit a rough patch in our friendship.  With so many important boy-associations to be to be experienced, some high school girls may tend to be jealous and gossippy and not-so-loyal in their friendships.  Tangled webs were being weaved, as Brooke some how teamed up with a mean girl who really didn't like me, and we began to grow apart. 

Journal Entry, 3 December 1989:
Oh boy, at least I've got one good friend left.  Me & Ellie Preston are getting really close : ).  It seems we have the same problems at the same time, and understand how each other is feeling.  : )!  She told me Scott likes me!  But he would kill her if she told me.  He said he wants to take it slow--me too.  She said she kept it in for 2 weeks and couldn't anymore.  He told her after we went to Burger King in Reno.  He told her at school a couple of days after that.  Scott is so nice.

What I find peculiar about my admiration for Scott is that I don't remember arriving to the point of elated excitement or dizzy imaginings of us being together.  I simply loved being around him and felt happy whenever I was with him.  He was very much "my type," and I loved how we fit together.

A common interest in music--specifically, the current hit band Chicago--developed into a most significant part of this comfortable fit.  After school one day, Scott asked me if I would please try to make it to the school dance after my jazz choir's Christmas concert.  Gladly! When we weren't dancing together, we sat and talked.  We made plans to see more fun movies together.  We discovered that we both loved Chicago, and anytime a Chicago song played, we were immediately on our feet dancing, and singing along together (although I would have been happy to just listen to Scott's beautiful voice).

Within just a few short weeks, Scott had an unexpected change of heart. I doubt the reason was anything substantial, but things changed. All of the sudden, at our next dance, whenever a Chicago song came on, he was making sure he was not available for me to dance with.  As Peter Cetera's melts-me-every-time voice would fill the room, I would look up, only to see Scott running in the opposite direction to find a dance partner.  Our communication went from planning fun future dates together to...zero communication.

Word soon came from Ellie that Scott liked me now for no more than a friend.  This wasn't the first time for a young relationship to end before I had wished, so why was this time so hard?  Perhaps it was the way the stars were aligned that night, or the way this disappointment fell onto a pile of other emotional let-downs for that month (that's just the way life can be for teenage girls).  All I know is that Scott is the first guy I ever actually cried over.

In the privacy of my bedroom, with the comfort of my feather pillow, tears and sobs flowed freely as I replayed my favorite Chicago song over and over again. 

The pain came and went.  I made it through.  Outside of that one dance when Scott distanced himself from me, he never treated me less than a friend would, which of course was a relief.

We didn't connect much more during the school year, and then a few months later he was off to college.  More months passed, and with the arrival of Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks, the college kids all came home for visits.  At one Saturday night dance, I got to dance with Scott and we reminisced about what had happened before between us.  As we tried to figure out why we had stopped talking, he did say he was sorry for the abrupt end (or in his words, for "dogging" me).  Over the holiday breaks, at the dances and at everyone's favorite hangout--Ellie's house, we got reacquainted and became good friends again.

Journal Entry, 1 January 1991:
Ellie called and asked Bryan [my brother] and me to come over and play Scattergories with them. When we got there it was just her and Trent and us.  Later Brock came, and then Scott, Jared, and Josh.  After we played Scattergories 'till 11:00, we went to the piano and Bryan and Josh played while the rest of us sang songs like "Somewhere Out There," "You're the Inspiration," "After All," and "The Rose," it was really fun--Scott sings really well, I like to sing with him.  I borrowed one of his tapes and he's supposed to bring me another one I want to borrow.  So that he could bring it to me he asked me where I live, then he said - "I'll take you out sometime" - I was kind of in shock, but of course really happy again to know he'd think of me that way again.  Sometimes he makes me so crazy, he's so cute and funny, I'll miss him when he leaves again : (.  I better see him some more before he leaves--he'll at least need to get his tape back.  He makes me so crazy - I often feel I like him so much again but wish I didn't in a way because of the way I cried over him before.  Scott.

Scott came and sat by me for two movies at Ellie's house: Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure and Back to the Future III. During the second one I said, "We were supposed to watch this together anyway, remember?"  He said, "We were?  ...See, I told you we would!"  I laughed.

Those were the very last memories I made with Scott.  He returned to college, and then was off on his mission.  Our paths never really crossed again except as good old friends. 

To this day, I still smile and think of Scott whenever I hear the sweet sounds of Chicago.


6 comments:

The Magic Violinist said...

Nice. :D The only thing I would suggest to you is to add some dialogue. Just description and telling the story like a narrator can bore your reader quickly. Insert some of the actual conversation. I like how Chicago is a big part of your story, especially at the end.

Didi said...

I remember when I saw Bill & Ted's excellent adventure. That is a funny movie. I also love the game scattergories. That must've been a fun day. I enjoy reading your stories. They are very funny & entertaining. Keep up the good work:)!

Jennifer Lovell said...

Dear The Magic Violinist,

Thanks for reading and giving your thoughts! I will see what I can do about the dialogue. Since I'm not making these stories up (since they're actual true stories from my past), it's hard to insert actual dialogue unless it's recorded in my journal, or unless I remember it clearly. I will try to do more of that where I can though. I really appreciate that input!

Jennifer Lovell said...

Didi, thanks for reading and loving my stories! I am so happy to know that my special memories can entertain others besides myself ; ).

Russ Elkins said...

I loved the use of the band Chicago throughout this one. Very good. Especially good job at making it so important without spelling it out in a boring way, as if the reader won't get the point. Some writers have a hard time with that, so good job at trusting the reader to put the pieces together on their own, and well done.
If I were to criticize any, I would say spend a little more time on the devastating dance where he started dogging you. It can be good to make the reader take a little more time to get through the pivotal part so it has more weight than the rest of the story, even though it took the same amount or less time to actually get through in life.

Lori Folkman said...

Jenna, You're the Inspiration. And even though Scott found it "Hard to Say I'm Sorry," I'm glad you parted as friends. :)